Pack Your Bags, Windhorst!

 

The Sultan of South Beach, no longer! Time for Windhorst to pack his bags and follow Lebron yet again. I swear to God if Lebron signed a contract to play basketball on the moon, Windhorst would be on the next space ship off this planet. He’s made a very nice career for himself falling assbackwards into being the point man covering Lebron’s whole career since he was like 15 years old. Its the ultimate success story for a fat pasty white dude to weasel his way onto national television every single day. I love it. Snake it til you make it.

So now the question is, is Windy a winner or loser in todays signing? My first thought is that he was a big time loser. Who wants to move from South Beach to fucking Cleveland? He’s a realtively young guy in his 30s. Living in South Beach is the dream. But then you look at some of those pictures and picture Windhorst in the Miami scene and it makes you start to think:

@KFCBarstool @WindhorstESPN Gotta be a huge relief to be out of perpetual bathing suit weather for that sock-full-of-mashed-potatoes.

— Len Bias Dandruff (@LenBiasDandruff) July 11, 2014

 

Maybe Windhorst is thrilled. Get out of the sun, get away from the tan, jacked South Beach assholes. Just head back to Akron where he can be fat and happy and wake up every morning praising the Lord Jesus that he worked at some piece of shit Ohio newspaper when the most talented basketball player of all time decided to be born there. The Colossus of Cleveland is coming home, hes coming home, tell the world he’s coming home.